Tuesday, March 22, 2011

motherhood : my heavy heart



to be the bearer of bad news, it's just not my thing. i get all hung up and lost for words. it leaves my heart feeling heavy with a deep sense of unease. as i constantly ponder the "what if's" and "why's" of life, i only feel saddened not having the answers. today was a hard day. surely one the grayest day i've had in a very long time...

it's been a few daunting weeks. first it was no eating. then followed by this painfully long weekend of 3 vet visits, multiple xrays, blood work, an ultrasound and final further testing to figure out what was wrong. being optimistic i guess didn't help. going into it all with high hopes that everything would be ok only made it that much worse because sadly it wasn't ok all along. the build up to today, left us having to say goodbye to our dog, micah. the best dog i could have ever asked for. a more loyal friend than some people i've meet in my lifetime. a faithful friend till the very end. an exceptionally smart pup and a truly amazing creature. though i feel 7 years wasn't long enough. i strongly believe they were all still happy ones!

micah 10/30/03 - 03/22/11

micah -
it saddens me not to see you here by my feet as i type. we all already miss you so much more then you'll ever know. i cry, realizing i will never see your silly face again. i will love you always, i promise. thank you for everything you've taught me. you were truly amazing dog! your spirit will live on in our hearts forever.
love, mommy

micah feb. 2004

micah june 2005

Micah dec. 2007

dec. 2010


  1. sandi benandi, i cried reading this privately and then cried again reading it aloud to david. i have such fond and funny memories of your micah...his crazy, quirky run; him splashing about in the pool; and his thoughtful, intense stare. rest in peace, sweet micah. sandi, ben, wyeth and penny...please try and take some comfort in knowing you were the best family micah could have ever wished for. love and hugs to you all.

  2. What a little sweetie face he was!! I can't imagine how hard this must be for the 4 of you. Sometimes things just seem so unfair. Micah, finally healthy and not hurting anymore. It's a blessing in a hard way. Sending lots of hugs your way.

  3. From two dog lovers to another, we are so sorry. The loss of a dear pet is truly heartbreaking. They are always much more than pets to us. We are sure he had a very happy life. Our hearts go out to you <3

  4. this is so hard. i'm so sorry + saddened to be reading this news today. reading about your heartbreak reminded me of what it felt like to say goodbye to our sweet juniper, who was with me for 15 years. i know that friendship you are talking about. my heart is so heavy for you!!!!!

    hang in there today. we're all keeping you in our thoughts and sending you love + strength. xoxo

  5. The very best dog ever! We to will miss him and we will always remember are long walks with him thru all the neighbor hoods and the many pit stops along the way. Your all in our prayers and we send hugs your way
    Love always

  6. oh, what a beauty. i'm so sorry. i know the deep sadness the loss of an animal companion brings.

  7. Oh Sandi, this makes me so sad (I had to stop reading or I was going to cry at work, lol). He was so loved though and had a wonderful life.

  8. sandi-
    as i read this i got the ball in the middle of my throat and then felt the tears run down my face.
    i'm so sorry you guys have had a bad couple weeks. if there is anything i can do, please feel free to let me know.
    he'll be missed.
    love you

  9. Sandi, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your buddy. My husband Chen works with you and told me about Micah. I just lost my Nemo, who I adopted as a kitten in '96--15 years sounds like a long time but it went by so quickly. Hope thoughts of the good times you had with him help you right now.

  10. so sorry for your loss...i cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must be to go through. :(


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